Archive for the Letters to my son Category

So, just “how” can we be patient and “why” should we be ?

Posted in Letters to my son with tags on October 4, 2011 by amotings

When should you be patient or show patience ? It  is when you want things happen your way because, at all other times you would call yourself as patient, wouldn’t you. I mean, at least you are not desperate for something to happen.

When you realize that you are getting impatient, “how” and “why” should you act,  patiently?

Let us first look at “why” patience is a virtue and is an advice with much gain.

Nature's patience shows her beauty

1. Anything done in an impulse does not come out right. Unless you are a truck with no feelings, you already would have got cues on this.
2. You act better with a calm and clear mind, rather than a restless or agitated mind.
3. Nature’s rhythm has to match with yours, and nature is pretty darn patient and seems to have time on her side.
4. When you let things happen with your “intent”, miracles happen.
5. You make an impression. Others will perceive and understand you better. Your character shines through even more – you will not know this, because if you do, it is not shining.
6. That, you did not send out negative energy when things do not happen your way and kept your chin up, makes the force in the universe sit up and notice. You created an imbance in the universe which she has to balance.
7. Infinite patience creates “immediate” opportunities. You will get what you really want and right for you when you least expect it.

Alright then, so you’d have to be nuts to throw away the gains you will receive because of patience. Now let us come to “how” do we show patience.

1. Breathe ! Yes, right now, just breathe in and if you feel like just breathe out( the latter was meant to make you smile as you read my post, during my bus journey to work). You need to shut up – and how else can you shut your mind, but by noticing the present.

2. Feel better ? When agitation comes, you switch on your deep breathing. You become more aware of your body, the moment which is NOW – and Lo! the mind numbs pretty quickly.

3. Say thanks! Be grateful. Shower thanks for all you have. They weren’t joking when they said, count you’d blessings.

4. Hope you haven’t  lost patience so far because I am still in my bus.

5. Be good. Do good to some stranger. Or a loved one or a colleague. You are too great a human being, so just be it now.

I think by now, you have just become and acted as a patient person. Just let things be.

Reached work.

That’s all folks! (All Disney cartoons end this way.)

Do not let one’s sadness impact loved ones.

Posted in Letters to my son on July 4, 2011 by amotings

While sadness does engulf us all, often it is something we can do nothing about. The best approach then is to let it pass. Even better is to talk it over with a friend and reduce the grief. Instead of struggling with it, I find it fine to be quiet with it. But, I cannot make myself happy with happy thoughts. I do find that I can get over it, by imaging a meaning and purpose and look at opportunity beyond it – a kind of quiet struggle and resolve to get over it.

But while I am at this process, what happens to our loved ones ? Doesn’t your family bear with your pain. Do they deserve it ? No.

Sometimes if my wife reasons with me of the futility of my mood, I get to realize the larger damage done. When you have your spouse and child looking up to you and waiting to be loved, it is unfair on them and quite selfish of ourself to engage in our own moods.

I have found, time and again, that while it is easy to bring your worries home or try and expect a change in some relationship, all the while it is impacted someone else.

Instead, how would it be, if we resolve and make sure that we do not impact anyone who comes in touch with us, with our sadness. How do we live like that ?

 By finding quiet meditation time regularly, and then being able to stay in touch with your innerself at all times. That way, even the sadness, does not percolate deep into you. You are conscious of your purpose at all times and in control of what you are projecting out. And your authentic self is seen – no one gets touched with your sadness because you are at peace. You are living a purpose at all times.

My son is in his best years of his life. An eight year old wants to play, laugh, experience and do things he has never done before. I do not want him to miss the joy by being a father who is more concerned about his worries. Meditation helps, silence helps, talking it over with one’s wife/spouse helps to get over the moods quickly. Let us not let the moments of life slip by us.

To my son – Going through the grind

Posted in Letters to my son with tags , , on February 5, 2011 by amotings

Dear Arvind

Today, I would like to talk to you about the inevitability of difficulties coming in your life and what in my view is the best attitude when faced with it.

Say, you are trying hard to get something(promotion, college admission, hike, money, girl’s love, respect, admiration or anything else that means a lot to you) and it does not seem to be coming to you. You might be feeling worse, that what you desire most seems to be coming to someone else. And you wonder if you are worth it or not.

Dear son – Firstly, I am sad to see any sadness come to your beautiful life. You are so blessed and perfect in who you are that, to me, none of what you get or do not get, makes any difference to me. I will still love you.  

Send love and blessings even to strangers

The grief of not getting something can consume you. You might feel like you are losing interest in everything. There will seem days that everything will seem hopeless. You will get angry at others, curse your life, us parents, and curse anyone who is innocent around you.

The negativity might seem to be theme of your life as nothing seem to be going alright to believe that there is something good around you too.

Arvind, here is where there are three stages to go through to turn around your life.

First stage: Relaxing your mind, your body. Medidate and watching your thoughts as an observer outside of you. Bringing silence and being comfortable in silence. Being in nature.

Second stage: Appreciating the smallest beauties in your life. Blessing every stranger or known person for nothing. Giving something to someone every day in silence anonymously.  Being in nature and observing the calmness in every blade of grass or life around you. Observe any negative thought or deed. This is where, being thankful and grateful replaces all negative thoughts with time.  

Third stage: Letting it go. Focus on the bits and pieces you have in front you. Pick them up and act on them with love. If there is any action that you feel good about, and it will not hurt others, then only do it. Or else, wait for a better moment to arrive. Shift your focus to something else. Look at the mirror and smile. Talk to a loved one or a friend, help him or show care for him or her. Help a stranger.

And when you are doing all three stages for a few weeks or months, that is when you will begin to observe goodness happening to you. Your desire, which you had let go, gets transformed to something even greater. Your perspective of what you did not get changes, as you will get something even more deserving.

Have the faith, that God has something great in store for you. You are entitled to greatness and goodness in your life. You are not ordinary. This is a blessed life and this difficult time is only to sharpen your soul. Come what hardship may come, but I am about to receive some greater fruits after this. Let it come and I will bear them. I can bear them, and the universe will owe me for what I beared. Even if the universe does not owe me, I will continue to be good. Any unhappiness, is my cleansing of my bad deeds. Good that I am going through them, let them come. I will not fight it, but surrender to God. Let me accept whatever he has to give me. My prayer and faith will not deter. This universe is mine and I belong to this universe. My heart has no ill-will.

And lo ! When you least expect it, you will suddenly see much happiness come to you and your desires coming true. It came because you had the faith, as Tagore said, “Faith is the song of the dawn bird, before the dawn”….(before the dawn). You need to have faith in goodness that will come to you and that you have God taking care of you, when you are the saddest and having a difficult time.

You “are” a beautiful person. You “are” a wonderful person. You “are” good as you are and need to change nothing in you.

Your loving father,

Appa

Photo courtesy: Meanest Indian

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